footprintsontheceiling

I’m not Dannielynn’s father…or the money man.

In celebrity, Tuesday rants on April 10, 2007 at 3:56 pm

 

In the interest of fair and accurate reporting, we here at Footprints have to rewrite material that other people publish from time to time. Call us your “Watchdogs Of Media Abuse,” or WOMA. While that doesn’t make any sense at all, the following will. First up, a story published on eonline.com. Then, our rewrite. With the facts.

———————————

Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern just became Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead.

After six months of international legal wrangling, DNA swabbing and accusations of fraud, a genetic expert announced in a closed-door hearing in Bahamian court Tuesday that the father of Anna Nicole Smith‘s child is Larry Birkhead.

“I told you so!” a triumphant Birkhead said to applause outside the courthouse, adding with hands held high that his DNA was a “99.9999 percent” match.

“I’m excited,” said the Kentucky native. “I’m happy to start a life with my daughter…Things are moving quickly here.”

Howard K. Stern, the man listed as Dannielynn’s father on her Bahamian birth certificate and the girl’s sole parental figure since Anna Nicole Smith’s death two months ago, said that he would not contest Birkhead’s right to custody.

“My feelings for Dannielynn have not changed,” Stern said. “I’m not going to fight Larry Birkhead for custody. I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure that he gets sole custody.”

While Birkhead has been established as the father of Dannielynn, a hearing to determine custody is set to take place on Friday.

Smith’s estranged mother, Virgie Arthur, filed paperwork last week asking to be named the child’s guardian.

But speaking to reporters after Tuesday’s announcement, Arthur and her lawyer struck a more conciliatory tone, saying the Texas police officer merely wanted to play a role in the infant’s life.

“All I care about and all I ever cared about is the safety and well-being of my little granddaughter, Dannielynn,” Arthur said. “I look forward to working with Larry raising my granddaughter and doing what is very best for her.”

Asked how Smith might feel if she were alive, Arthur replied: “I think she would be happy to know that Dannielynn will find out who her father is.”

Arthur, whose relationship with Stern can be called icy at best, had publicly supported Birkhead’s paternity bid. (For a guide to all the major players, check out our Anna Nicole cheat sheet.)

All three principals and their respective attorneys attended the private hearing, which lasted just over a half-hour. Birkhead was also accompanied by his brother and sister and their kids.

Before heading in to the Nassau courthouse, he told reporters he was “feeling good,” “confident” and “hopeful” that his contingent would “leave with one more.”

“I’m a little tired, but I’m ready to get this over with.”

While the disputed daddy drama played out in innumerable headlines, the case ironically wound up coming to a close in a decidedly nonpublic forum: No reporters were allowed in the courtroom, and everyone connected to the case has been, per Bahamian law, subject to a sweeping gag order.

However, due to the intense public interest in the hearing’s outcome, the judge allowed the parties to break from the order and announce what had transpired behind closed doors.

Birkhead’s paternity was authenticated in court by Dr. Michael Baird, an Ohio-based DNA specialist who tested samples obtained from Birkhead and Dannielynn on Mar. 21.

Baird testified to what Birkhead has spent nearly seven months proclaiming both in and out of court: “Essentially, [Birkhead]’s the biological father,” Baird said. “Congratulations, Larry.”

————————————————-

And now, the non-fiction version:

————————————————

Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern just became Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead.

After six months of international legal wrangling, DNA swabbing and explicit money grabbing, a genetic expert announced in a closed-door hearing in Bahamian court Tuesday that the father of Anna Nicole Smith‘s child and the money said child will inherit is Larry Birkhead.

“I told you so!” a triumphant Birkhead said to applause outside the courthouse, adding with hands held high that his DNA was a “99.9999 percent” match.

“I’m rich,” said the Kentucky native. “I’m happy to start a life with my new money…Things are moving quickly here.”

Howard K. Stern, the man listed as Dannielynn’s father on her Bahamian birth certificate and the money’s sole parental figure since Anna Nicole Smith’s death two months ago, said that he would not contest Birkhead’s right to custody.

“My feelings for money have not changed,” Stern said. “I’m not going to fight Larry Birkhead for money. I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure that he gets all the money.”

While Birkhead has been established as the money man, a hearing to determine custody is set to take place on Friday.

Smith’s estranged mother, Virgie Arthur, filed paperwork last week asking to be named the money’s guardian.

But speaking to reporters after Tuesday’s announcement, Arthur and her lawyer struck a more conciliatory tone, saying the Texas police officer merely wanted to play a role in the money’s life.

“All I care about and all I ever cared about is the safety and well-being of my money,” Arthur said. “I look forward to working with Larry spending my money and doing what is very best for me.”

Asked how Smith might feel if she were alive, Arthur replied: “I think she would be happy to know that her money will be spent.”

Arthur, whose relationship with Stern can be called icy at best, had publicly supported Birkhead’s money grab.

All three principals and their respective attorneys attended the private hearing, which lasted just over a half-hour. Birkhead was also accompanied by his brother and sister and their kids.

Before heading in to the Nassau courthouse, he told reporters he was “feeling good,” “confident” and “hopeful” that his contingent would “leave with more money.”

“I’m a little tired, but I’m ready to get this over with.”

While the disputed money grab played out in innumerable headlines, the case ironically wound up coming to a close in a decidedly nonpublic forum: No reporters were allowed in the courtroom, and everyone connected to the case has been, per Bahamian law, subject to a sweeping gag order.

However, due to the intense public interest in the hearing’s outcome, the judge allowed the parties to break from the order and announce what had transpired behind closed doors.

Birkhead’s money grab was authenticated in court by Dr. Michael Baird, an Ohio-based DNA specialist who tested samples obtained from Birkhead and Dannielynn on Mar. 21.

Baird testified to what Birkhead has spent nearly seven months proclaiming both in and out of court: “Essentially, [Birkhead]’s the biological father,” Baird said.

“Congratulations, Larry. You’ve won the lottery.”

 

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  1. C’mon! It was his money shot that produced a daughter to begin with. Of course, he wants to get paid like an good porn star.

    Glad you’re back!

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