Idiots Rule

In idiots rule, Tuesday rants on February 13, 2007 at 8:28 am

Hey you.

Yeah, you. There. In the minivan. Talking on your cellphone. Eating a donut. Or whatever that heart-attack-waiting-to-happen pastry is that’s in your hand and heading towards your mouth.

Yeah, you. At the corner. A block away from my kid’s school.

Have you seen me yet? You haven’t? No, of course you haven’t. Because you’re talking on your phone. You must be having the world’s Most Important Conversation Ever (MICE), because what else would distract you so much that you haven’t noticed that I took one step into the intersection before you even got there. And that I have a 3 year old boy in my left hand and a 6 year old boy in my right hand. And that we were going to cross the street.

Yeah, baby. That’s me. Superdaddy. Spying you coming, talking on your Nokia, gobbling on your Krispy Kreme and your tall non-fat drive-through Starbucks mocha, (hold the whip) about a half a block away. And stopping myself and two little boys from continuing our cross – THAT WE HAD ALREADY STARTED – because you looked like you were having the MICE and that you couldn’t be bothered with the fact that we were crossing the street.

Yeah, that’s you. There, in the minivan. You must have kids of your own, right? Why else would you drive a minivan? Sure, you have kids of your own. Did you drop them off at school? Before you drove through the Starbucks and got that phone call? You did? And they were safe, right?

That’s right, they were safe. Because they didn’t have to cross the street with idiots like you on the road.


Oh, wait, now you’re pulling through the intersection. On your way to what must be the world’s Most Important Meeting Ever (MIME), because you STILL HAVEN’T SEEN THE THREE OF US STANDING THERE WAITING TO CROSS THE FREAKING STREET and yet you continue on. To your MIME. Or wherever the hell morons like you go at 9:00 in the morning. You’re pulling through the intersection, and you’re looking left – or so it appears – even though there’s a 42 year old Dad and his 3 and 6 year old sons not 3 feet away from your van ON THE RIGHT. If the 42 year old Dad hadn’t stopped his 3 and 6 year old sons from crossing the street when he spotted your distracted fat ass barreling down ½ block away from him and 1 block away from THE FREAKING ELEMENTARY SCHOOL we’d be sitting here talking about an entirely different situation now, wouldn’t we?

Yes, we would. You’re a moron now; you could easily have been a moron in jail. For a very very long time. With a lot on your mind. Namely, how if maybe you’d been paying attention the morning of February 12th, 2007 and not gabbing to your Bridge Club mate Betty on your cell phone and chowing down on a Winchell’s Bear Claw maybe you would have seen ¾ of my family crossing the street and not run them over.

Then again, I’m giving you too much credit, aren’t I?

Please, pay attention.

  1. why are people so stupid? Are they born that way or is it a choice they make? Is there a pamphlet to help guide people to not being stupid? Is there a class or seminar? or are they too stupid to realize?

  2. Fuck the ‘please’. PAY ATTENTION, assholes, because the pedestrians have the right of way and have since at least 1957 (that’s the furthest back my research took me) especially at a marked crosswalk. This goes for your rich bitches in the Cherry Creek area, too, where I and the man I love work.

    It’s to the point that I will walk into the intersection when it is my turn and stare down the people trying to cross my path I’m so sick of it. I can’t wait until summer when I can scream at them, too, and they’ll hear me.

  3. call *277 (colorado state patrol) and report her as an aggressive driver. after her third report she’ll get a little visit and maybe change her ways.

  4. Hubs, you are evil and I love it!

  5. I can’t believe the idiocy of many drivers these days! Snow seems to make drivers assholes, maybe it was the snow that caused all this, but I doubt it… I think she was just a self centered beyotch.

  6. also another good janes addiction reference.

  7. I did that just for you, hubs. I think I’ll see how many JA song titles I can use in this blog.

  8. I once ranted for about a hour and a half about how people who drive mini vans will bring about the downfall of modern society. Also, I used to carry drivers manuals from the DMV and give them to people who didn’t pay attention to me as a pedestrian. I would inform them that obviously they needed a refresher!

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